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Since the very beginning of this ill-fated project, we’ve been dreading a rewatch of Austin Powers in Goldmember, and let’s just say it didn’t disappoint. Join us as we discuss how Goldmember makes Fat Bastard look like one of the great characters of literary history, and why we’re relieved that there’s still (knock on wood) no sign of a fourth movie on the horizon. We’ll be back by the end of the month with a movie that, somehow, seems like a breath of fresh air at this point: The Cat in the Hat.

00:00:00 Austin Powers in Goldmember Theatrical Trailer

00:03:51 Shrek Inspiration Maurice Tillet

00:05:25 Picture This Scene, but with Mike Myers‘ Cat in the Hat

00:15:17 Probably the Worst Thing That Ever Happened to Britney Spears

00:19:01 Wow, Kevin Spacey’s Here

00:25:16 “Daddy Wasn’t There”: Not Ming Tea‘s Finest Hour

00:31:47 Austin and Nigel Converse in “English English”

00:32:33 The Only Two Things Nigel Can’t Stand

00:42:32 Nathan Lane in His Underutilized Role as a Beyonce Stand-In

00:47:17 The Joke-Like “Shmoke and a Pancake” Scene

00:50:24 Great, Now We Have to Think about Dr. Evil Stimulating His Nipples Every Time We Listen to ELO

00:51:07 Somehow Dr. Evil’s Rap is Even More Interminable in This Movie than in the Other One

00:52:35 Our Bad, It’s Actually Michael York Who Yells “Shut Up” in the Godawful Mole Scene (Still a Shining Light of the Film, Though)

00:53:10 A Clever Use of Old Michael Caine Footage Wasted on a Stupid-Ass Twist

00:54:20 Even in Submarine Form, Mike Myers Farts When Submerged in Water

00:55:31 This Scene is 100% Funnier if You Imagine It Actually Happening to Mike Myers

00:58:28 Some Classic Fat Bastard Wit

00:58:55 We’ll Spare You This Fat Bastard Scene

00:59:47 You Know What Part We’re Talking About

01:02:42 The Subtitles Gag ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

01:03:21 Austin Speaking for All of Us Again

01:03:36 Manneken Pis

01:03:44 “The classic scene from the movie ‘Austin Powers in Goldmember,’ where Austin kicks the urinating water fountain plug out and then pees to make it look like the plug is still in”

01:05:31 Ozzy Speaks for All of Us

01:06:32 Austin Powers Murders Mini-Me

01:07:02 The Only Actually Funny Part of Goldmember

01:11:05 Gotta Get a Mike Ass In Before the Credits

01:12:12 John Travolta‘s Superior Goldmember Performance

01:12:30 Scott Speaks for All of Us

01:13:35 Fat Bastard’s Jared Reference Brings the Number of Sex Offenders in Goldmember Up to Two

01:14:55 “Hey Goldmember” by Foxxy Cleopatra featuring Devin and Solange (from Austin Powers in Goldmember: Music from the Motion Picture, 2002)