Valentine’s Day is this weekend, which means it’s time for us to tell our loved ones how we feel in the sincerest possible way: by choosing from a range of popular sentiments prefabricated by a greeting card company. But what about those feelings for which even Hallmark doesn’t make a card? Well, readers, Dystopian Dance Party has your back. Please enjoy this gallery of ten lovingly-crafted crapped-out-on-Microsoft-Paint Valentine’s Day cards featuring lines from some of our favorite modern-day balladeers of romance. Right-click and download to send them to your friends. Post them to your significant other’s Facebook wall. Print them out and distribute them at your child’s class Valentine’s Day party. (Note: please do not actually do this last one.) Or just send them to yourself at work with flowers so that all your coworkers will think somebody loves you. But most of all, remember that we love you: yes, you, the loyal, almost certainly imaginary, 90%-spambot reader base who keep us motivated and bring our page hits up to as many as 50 a day. Happy Valentine’s Day, you motherfuckers. Now turn off your AdBlock.
